Wednesday, October 27, 2004

20 reasons to avoid Malaysian motorists

Roadworks Posted by Hello

Much has been chided of the Malaysian driver. Even to ourselves we know we are one bunch of hell behind the wheel no matter how mild mannered or hot headed we are out of the car seat. Our propensity to become hell raisers while driving is shown in the following situations:

  1. We are never hesitant to act before we settle things through amiable talk, often brandishing whatever makeshift weapon we have handy (car locks, crowbar, umbrella, helmet) no matter whose fault it really is.
  2. Curse words easily flow from our mouths every time we feel the other person in an alternate car is in the wrong, while we ourselves are never at fault.
  3. Even if doing so doesn’t help, motorists are prone to keep on honking their loud horns to the people in front of them even if they clearly see the car jam is bogged down miles in front.
  4. Whenever there is an accident, instead of coming out of the car and help, drivers would either slow down to have a good look or else park near the crash to get the plate number of the unfortunate vehicle for buying 4D numbers later.
  5. Signaling with the traffic indicator is no longer kosher. We just cut into a lane without due consideration of traffic behind us or for a matter of fact, any traffic at all. Indicating our intentions gives a disadvantage that other drivers might exploit.
  6. Minibuses, lorry drivers, tankers and cargo trucks can be lumped in the same category, being big and bad, they are the self appointed kings of the road and anyone (especially a puny kancil) that tries to go against them better be warned.
  7. Motorcyclists think their grandfather owns the road, zipping in and out of traffic, they figure that the other motorists would give them the right of way. This is not factoring in the illegal races conducted in the middle of the night and in disturbing the peace with their noisy modified exhaust pipes.
  8. Emergency lanes and public transport lanes are for the purpose of becoming extra lanes in case a jam occurs, thus motorists are encouraged to disregard the double lines and overtake other vehicles stuck in front.
  9. Giving way to other motorists and taking each their turn is the hardest lesson to learn in the world. Rather than losing face to allow the fluid continuation of traffic, each would stubbornly hog the road and cause a massive jam, no one wanting to allow the other to bypass them.
  10. The bigger and more expansive the car you have, the more rights you have to bully other less privileged cars. Cars going less than a hundred in the fast lane are followed near bumper to bumper as intimidation or slow moving vehicle are seen as tortoises to be bypassed any means possible. The opposite is true for old junkers, other motorists would avoid them like the plaque, especially those with expensive vehicles.
  11. The best way to start a massive scale congestion is to have a malfunctioning traffic light at the busiest junction during lunch hour or after office hours, add in a little rain and viola we have hell on earth.
  12. Talking on the hand phone is a balancing act that many are adept at. Even better is the act of trying with a single hand on the steering wheel and the other trying to affix your hands free kit onto your ear.
  13. A few beers or alcoholic beverages are all right, the driver does not consider himself drunk or endangering anyone’s life in particular.
  14. For traffic lights, green lights mean go, yellow indicates go even faster and red means try your luck and pray.
  15. Drivers are not liable if they hit a pedestrian crossing the road as it is their responsibility to avoid the traffic, exceptions would be for senior citizens, pregnant mothers and children where you’d be crucified by the media. Pedestrians are also discouraged from using the overhead pedestrian bridges and play frogger by crossing the busy 4 lane highway.
  16. Double and triple parking are all right if you are just going to pop out for a minute to get something done.
  17. Shining your high light into the rear view mirror of the car in front is not only expected but you’d be odd not to do so.
  18. Traffic speed limit signs are for amateurs, even if on a flyway and it states 60 km/h you are obliged to go pass that speed and they even install a speed tracker to tell you how fast your speedster is capable of. Precaution be heeded if the friendly Datuk out for Raya money.
  19. Overtaking a slow moving vehicle hogging the middle lane by cutting through the left is a right no matter how vehemently your driving instructor is yelling out that you’ll be failing your test.
  20. The best drivers are those that can squeeze their oversize Integra in between the space of a lorry and a Wira which is in fact too small for their make and come out of it without a scratch.

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