Heaven or Hell?
One of the greatest gifts (or curse depending) for humans is the ability of choice. Do we choose our own heaven or hell? On a better note I finally managed to pull some semblance of myself together and now am up and running again.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Here and There Again
Living out of a suitcase and in hotels isn't all its cut out to be and truly now I understand how it feels to be 'Home' after a long period away. Well I've more or less managed to shake away my depressing mood, maybe its the fact that there's so much work ahead to do that I had to get my act together lest I fall back and also a busy mind does help in making you forget about some of your problems. Now I understand what it really is like to suffer a bout of depression and it wasn't pleasant. Usually after a discouraging day sleeping it off would work and the next day I'm springing away again as usual. This time it took nearly 3 weeks of constantly battling to keep my spirits up and find a reason to be happy. Thank God that passed. I'm just afraid that it will come back again suddenly and hit me when I least expect it again.
Well I'm off again it seems, northwards again tomorrow to Sungai Petani and the following week for a dive in Pulau Redang. I'm still hoping for a few work free days at home to just rest and relax without having to think of anything, keeping fingers cross. On a smaller note, it seems I'll be sharing my space with a counterpart of my boss for the next month, hopefully it'll be amicable.
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Well I'm off again it seems, northwards again tomorrow to Sungai Petani and the following week for a dive in Pulau Redang. I'm still hoping for a few work free days at home to just rest and relax without having to think of anything, keeping fingers cross. On a smaller note, it seems I'll be sharing my space with a counterpart of my boss for the next month, hopefully it'll be amicable.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Goals to Aim for in 2008
People usually posts resolutions during the New Year but due to the recent slump and to stop being a whiner that sits and rot I'm going to set up some short term goals and long term goals for 2008 and hopefully motivate me to finally settle some things that have been keeping me back. In no order of importance:
1. Go on a photowalk
2. Buy a new DSLR camera
3. Go on a holiday excursion for a minimum of 5 days out of Malaysia
4. Get a credit card
5. Earn an income that would make me taxable
6. Get to know 10 new people and end up with a minimum of half a good friends
7. Go out and renew contact with some old friends which I've neglected
8. Find a nice girl that I can share my life with
9. Cook at least 4 home cook meals in a week
10. Buy a business suit and pants, new eye wear and leather shoes
11. Get my photos in a print media
12. Shoot a wedding
13. Shoot a large photo project of my choosing
14. Finish my entire season of Star Trek TNG, CSI, Grey's Anatomy and Anime collection
15. Get laid
16. Ensure that my boss does not scream, throw objects, denigrate, call me stupid, and appreciate me (fat chance)
Friendship and the Important Things In Life
I've been watching Sketchbook ~ Full Color's and it got me thinking when I finished with the last episode. Besides its great cast of voice actors and actresses, the water colour scenery is great as well as the slow unhurried pace of its story about a group of art class students living their daily lives in high school. A scene describing the art class having a sakura viewing picnic showed how much it means to have friendships, even if those around you are quarky or have their own foibles. Seeing a late blooming sakura trees when the trees around are near full bloom, everyone set out to help it bloom as well going to the extent of hugging it to give it that extra warmth and doing things like cheering from its branches. To normal people this may seem as pointless as pressing the lift button in the hopes of making it reach faster but you cannot dismiss their exuberance and general faith that the support they gave will bring about a change.
The comparison with Sora is that she lives life at her own pace and instead of being viewed as slow or holding others back, her friends were beside her all the way supporting and lifting her up. As she said no matter how slow the sakura tree blooms, in the end they bloom. It's a great message on the importance of friendship and accepting people as well as doing what you like best in life without the worry and stigma of being judged by others. Something that seems lacking in this world of ours but life cannot always imitate the perfectly scripted world of the anime, right?
Yet I find that sometimes this slice of life scenarios can be found here and now even. Even with all the negativity we hear about Malaysian youth's being more polarised and racially inclined, it is fortunate that I've found places that the colour of your skin, the beliefs and political alignment you profess to and the opinions each hold dear are never an issue. I've friends who are of all spectrum of race, religion and backgrounds that I'm proud to be associated with and when someone is down or browbeat, they are always there to lend their support, hear you out and extend a helping hand. Life is never easy, but its made more palatable with such people around. We should always remember that before it is to late, we should treasure what we have and give precedence to what really is important in our life, which does not always boil down to the pursuit of wealth, status or material things.
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The comparison with Sora is that she lives life at her own pace and instead of being viewed as slow or holding others back, her friends were beside her all the way supporting and lifting her up. As she said no matter how slow the sakura tree blooms, in the end they bloom. It's a great message on the importance of friendship and accepting people as well as doing what you like best in life without the worry and stigma of being judged by others. Something that seems lacking in this world of ours but life cannot always imitate the perfectly scripted world of the anime, right?
Yet I find that sometimes this slice of life scenarios can be found here and now even. Even with all the negativity we hear about Malaysian youth's being more polarised and racially inclined, it is fortunate that I've found places that the colour of your skin, the beliefs and political alignment you profess to and the opinions each hold dear are never an issue. I've friends who are of all spectrum of race, religion and backgrounds that I'm proud to be associated with and when someone is down or browbeat, they are always there to lend their support, hear you out and extend a helping hand. Life is never easy, but its made more palatable with such people around. We should always remember that before it is to late, we should treasure what we have and give precedence to what really is important in our life, which does not always boil down to the pursuit of wealth, status or material things.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
A Year Full of Blahs
I've been thinking, actually, NOT!. I've been so busy, receiving so much blah in my face that I don't even have the strength to think anymore. 2008 hasn't really been treating me well, I've so much things happening in my disfavour that it seems pointless to think that the next 3 quarter of the year would get any better. I've been so uninspired that I've not taken a single picture for 2 months and that really makes me feel so useless and down. I've given my all to my work, forsaking weekends, ignoring holidays, forsaking relationships and friends and for what!
It would be good at least to receive some recognition for all the long hours and sacrifice in terms of time and opportunity costs but in there end there is just more work, more yelling in my face telling me that I'm not good enough, scoldings and demotivational whats-not that even for someone with infinite patience, I think is going overboard. I was looking forward to getting a new SLR either a Canon 400D or the latest 450D and thought I'd deserve to treat myself with such a baby after working so long and saving up but with this slump I'm not sure anymore, getting it would be pointless if I don't have the interest or time to experiment and enjoy it. I truly envy that my friend who just got a good deal for a 350D and spending a week in Thailand using it and I wish I could also share the same feeling. I'm glad for her.
Sometimes you try and try and end up never meeting people's expectations. I've neglected this blog to sell my soul to a capitalist rat race culture that does not really rewards you for your efforts and what have I got? I'm still asking myself that same questions, more so recently. I really wish to reclaim my life back and start climbing out of this hole of despair but nothings helping. I'm really happy even for a moment that there are great friends out there and last night was no exception. I'm not really the social guy but being there with the mishmash group of Flickrs let me be lost in a moment of thankfulness even for a moment. Singing karaoke (which I never do) out of sync and with my horrible voices and laughing at our mistakes and trying to beat the 94 score (thank Viz for her rendition of Lambada), indulging in Big Apple chocs and Domino's pizza with an endless stream of orange cordial and root beer courtesy of Johan and Adi, laughing till our sides hurt doing stupid poses and taking shots via Casey, Erna and Prakash and generally being among the whole crazy bunch really helped me a lot. So thanks for being there guys and gals.
As for the future of my blogging and even more so for my photography activities, I really have to pull myself together and regain the two activities that I enjoy. I want to be holding on to a SLR camera and give my all out to capture pictures again and not lose out to my competitor and friend hehe. Only time will tell if I am able to do so. For now bear with the silence and down tone from mua. It really feels empty and alone at this very moment and i hate this feeling.
Click Here to Read More..
It would be good at least to receive some recognition for all the long hours and sacrifice in terms of time and opportunity costs but in there end there is just more work, more yelling in my face telling me that I'm not good enough, scoldings and demotivational whats-not that even for someone with infinite patience, I think is going overboard. I was looking forward to getting a new SLR either a Canon 400D or the latest 450D and thought I'd deserve to treat myself with such a baby after working so long and saving up but with this slump I'm not sure anymore, getting it would be pointless if I don't have the interest or time to experiment and enjoy it. I truly envy that my friend who just got a good deal for a 350D and spending a week in Thailand using it and I wish I could also share the same feeling. I'm glad for her.
Sometimes you try and try and end up never meeting people's expectations. I've neglected this blog to sell my soul to a capitalist rat race culture that does not really rewards you for your efforts and what have I got? I'm still asking myself that same questions, more so recently. I really wish to reclaim my life back and start climbing out of this hole of despair but nothings helping. I'm really happy even for a moment that there are great friends out there and last night was no exception. I'm not really the social guy but being there with the mishmash group of Flickrs let me be lost in a moment of thankfulness even for a moment. Singing karaoke (which I never do) out of sync and with my horrible voices and laughing at our mistakes and trying to beat the 94 score (thank Viz for her rendition of Lambada), indulging in Big Apple chocs and Domino's pizza with an endless stream of orange cordial and root beer courtesy of Johan and Adi, laughing till our sides hurt doing stupid poses and taking shots via Casey, Erna and Prakash and generally being among the whole crazy bunch really helped me a lot. So thanks for being there guys and gals.
As for the future of my blogging and even more so for my photography activities, I really have to pull myself together and regain the two activities that I enjoy. I want to be holding on to a SLR camera and give my all out to capture pictures again and not lose out to my competitor and friend hehe. Only time will tell if I am able to do so. For now bear with the silence and down tone from mua. It really feels empty and alone at this very moment and i hate this feeling.
Monday, March 10, 2008
The Morning After the Dust Settles in Malaysia
It was no surprise that discontent from the Malaysian citizens especially the Chinese and Indians were evident even before the campaign started. Whereas the four year term began with a resounding endorsement to Pak Lah in 2004 with a 91% majority for a force of change, at the end not much has changed and it can be said much has gone down the drain since then. The people's mandate has now been revealed and the results shocking even to the opposition that found themselves in possession of 5 states, Kelantan, Penang, Kedah, Perak and Selangor and with inroads in traditional BN strongholds and reduced majorities in most other seats save for Sabah and Sarawak.
It was a major victory for the netzens in the fact that Jeff Ooi of Screenshots fame got voted in as a parliamentarian in Penang. Many of the old guard have once scorned the new media and the power of the blogger but the new streak of wins by young intellectuals and technosavy individuals have shown that they are not a force to be just swept under the carpet. Jeff from all the blogosphere we congratulate you on your success and wish you well in your future duties and we hope that you will uphold the ideals of the citizens of this country.
Truly a wind of change has come and marks a new milestone whereby a more savvy electorial has shown that democracy is very much alive and that any government be they BN or the opposition should not rest on their laurels once they secure their seat and instead act as they should wish is to serve the rakyat first and foremost lest the rakyat decides that a better representative should be given the opportunity to serve instead. So Malaysia, we wake up to a new dawn, lets see which direction the light will shine.
Click Here to Read More..
It was a major victory for the netzens in the fact that Jeff Ooi of Screenshots fame got voted in as a parliamentarian in Penang. Many of the old guard have once scorned the new media and the power of the blogger but the new streak of wins by young intellectuals and technosavy individuals have shown that they are not a force to be just swept under the carpet. Jeff from all the blogosphere we congratulate you on your success and wish you well in your future duties and we hope that you will uphold the ideals of the citizens of this country.
Truly a wind of change has come and marks a new milestone whereby a more savvy electorial has shown that democracy is very much alive and that any government be they BN or the opposition should not rest on their laurels once they secure their seat and instead act as they should wish is to serve the rakyat first and foremost lest the rakyat decides that a better representative should be given the opportunity to serve instead. So Malaysia, we wake up to a new dawn, lets see which direction the light will shine.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
On Hiatus
Posting will be sporadic if at all for the next month until at least mid March. I'm currently heading off to Sg Petani for work and will be secluded away from the cuber space that I love. I still hope to post on and off about the experience here in Kedah and there are many stories to tell but that depends if I don't collapse from exhaustion each night or not.
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Friday, February 15, 2008
I Miss My Dogs
At this moment I wish that I still had Lady or one of her pups. I guess I never truly appreciated how much she was as a companion to me especially at times when human companionship was not enough. Yes she always dug under the fence and escaped which resulted in long chases to get her back, yes she howled for days on end when she was on heat and I barely slept a wink, yes she would trade her affection as readily to anyone that could offer her a meal based on her charm alone and she required attention and care that could send anyone nuts.
But despite all this she often sat beside me and listened as I ranted without being judgmental. I could relate anything and everything to her and she just stare back with those puppy dog eyes and stay silent, popping her head onto my lap once a while to show as if she knew what I was going through. When I couldn't sleep I would just go to the yard and she'll be there and no matter the time of the day or night she would always come and give me a welcome. Giving her a doggy treat meant the world to her and she'll treat you as if you're the only person in the world she'd ever cared for or need, at least until she decides that it would take another biscuit to renew the affection.
She was always warm to hug and never went easy with her kisses and licks. I still think of her and hope that the owner I left her with is treating her well and that she has lots of love and affection with her new family. It broke my heart when I knew I could not bring her back and still I miss her to this day. It has been lonely.
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But despite all this she often sat beside me and listened as I ranted without being judgmental. I could relate anything and everything to her and she just stare back with those puppy dog eyes and stay silent, popping her head onto my lap once a while to show as if she knew what I was going through. When I couldn't sleep I would just go to the yard and she'll be there and no matter the time of the day or night she would always come and give me a welcome. Giving her a doggy treat meant the world to her and she'll treat you as if you're the only person in the world she'd ever cared for or need, at least until she decides that it would take another biscuit to renew the affection.
She was always warm to hug and never went easy with her kisses and licks. I still think of her and hope that the owner I left her with is treating her well and that she has lots of love and affection with her new family. It broke my heart when I knew I could not bring her back and still I miss her to this day. It has been lonely.
The Endless Road Ahead
Sometimes in life you reach a fork in the road and you're unsure of which path to take. Both seems as if they would lead somewhere but which is the better course is always unclear. But, the very moment you make a choice and take that first step onto one or the other, you'll know it deep down to the very core of your soul.
I've done much soul searching the past year, I've made some very critical decisions and choices that would lead me down to a path that I would never be able to backtrack. Many times I doubted if it was for the best, many times I wonder if what lies at the end of that path I took would be something worthwhile for the opportunity loss for forsaking the other path. Sometimes it just seems that each step is just an endless crossroad and the more I had to choose the more lost I was.
There was happiness but also tinged with unexpectedness, worries and doubts. True these are expected in the journey we call life. There was hope as well, yes, and it always stayed aflame no matter how bad things got and never wavered. These past few weeks has been trying but I still cling to hope because that is all I have for now.
I don't know what the future holds, all I can do is give my best and let the dice of fate roll for the future, where it stops I will never be sure. Life is tough if I've to face it alone and yes, I do get scared.
Click Here to Read More..
I've done much soul searching the past year, I've made some very critical decisions and choices that would lead me down to a path that I would never be able to backtrack. Many times I doubted if it was for the best, many times I wonder if what lies at the end of that path I took would be something worthwhile for the opportunity loss for forsaking the other path. Sometimes it just seems that each step is just an endless crossroad and the more I had to choose the more lost I was.
There was happiness but also tinged with unexpectedness, worries and doubts. True these are expected in the journey we call life. There was hope as well, yes, and it always stayed aflame no matter how bad things got and never wavered. These past few weeks has been trying but I still cling to hope because that is all I have for now.
I don't know what the future holds, all I can do is give my best and let the dice of fate roll for the future, where it stops I will never be sure. Life is tough if I've to face it alone and yes, I do get scared.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Shit Happens
It's been a hell of a week with so many things happening, mostly not going my way or to my expectations. Chinese New Year home was a disappointment for more reason. I'm down and out now, I'm sick like a hippo since the second day of Chinese New Year and regret it was so. It's still going on today and I can't pick my mood up. Life has just been lousy lately.
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