The good, bad and totally hillarious episodes of room renters

As some will know I am currently in the process of disposing of my room in preperations of moving back to KL after my Masters is done by the end of this month. I always thought it was a straight forward process; person comes over, checks room, ask about details and then proceed to either agree or disagree with the offer. It was indeed a surprise at the antics that crept up while seeing these prospective renters from the truly absurd to the truly frustrating, indeed they come in all shades and colours, of which it is a surprise that I didn't bludgen some of the more frustrating ones right here in the room in case the blood stains lower the value of the property, blood can be hard to get off the walls. Here's a low down of some of the more interesting cases that I've had recently;

1) Miss A came over saying she needs a room desperately. She took a look and before she left agreed to take the room and said she will be over the next day to pay the deposit. All was fine. Next day I reconfirmed that the miss will be here in the evening to hand over the deposit. Without warning in the middle of the afternoon Miss A's roomate, lets call her Miss Silent and Nod for that was all she did as her friend asked and replied to all the queries. They left without much thought and from my perception nothing untoward. Come a few hours before the dateline to pay deposit, Miss A call. "I think you just met my roomie a few hours ago right?" she said. Okay I thought so....? "Well she didn't want to shift out, so I can't pay you the deposit," replied Miss A. That's that. Lesson make sure the person renting had actually made arrangements and consented with tacit approval from roomie before she promises anything. So I wished I'd replied. "Fine, go back to your room that always flood and leaks from the roof, have a nice life!".

2) Guy A walked past house and saw the 'For Rent' sign. Comes in and asked a ton of questions everything from whether the area is safe from thieves to queries of how the water condition was. Fine. Went away saying he'll call if anything. Next day around midnight he smsed me to ask more questions, nothing came about it. The following day Guy A comes again while I was entertaining another prospective house renter. Proceed to ask more question. Found out he was renting out and the reason he was looking for another house was that the family he was staying with was renovating their house without informing him prior when he agreed to rent a few months ago, right smack during the final exams. Halleluyah and Amen to quiet studying. Again he asked a ton of questions especially how I get along with my current housemates, whether they are okay to live with and if there are any conflicts. Next day again he called and said he was still half half in whether to shift out or stay at his current place. Exit stage right Guy A, in life and for future advise please be more assertive and take decissive decisions else opportunities will pass you by. Goodbye.

3) Spoilt Girl A came over with boyfriend, made lots of negative comments about the place as to why so many people are staying so the place is packed, how the porch already has two cars and where was she to park hers and why there is no water heater in our place. Dear Miss Spoilt Girl A, you as a first year student must truly have been a Mama's girl who has never experienced life away from home if you wish for such ammenities and being a cheap skate for not wanting to pay for it and complaining that RM185 a month is a burden if you can ask for a heated bath and drive around with a new Wira with a boyfriend that just nod and agrees with all that you commented. Hope you have a miserable life in the dorms.

4) Decisive Miss A. I like this one even if she didn't take the room. Unlike most people who can't make up their mind or just smiled and say we'll think about it and get back to you, which most often will never happen until Doomsday, she came in, took a look and within 5 seconds decided it was not for her and thank me for my time. You'll go far in life I'm sure.

5) Couple A. Couple A wanted to know if we take in couples, I see no problem and wasn't surprise since many house owners here does not want cohabition (what century are you all living in!). Came over even when it was raining cats and dogs, asked a bunch of questions and said they wanted to take a look at another room down the street before making a decision and said they'll give an answer within the hour. Okay so thought it was a lost cause. Miraculously they came back and said they wanted the room and was willing to pay the two months deposit on the spot (the first one that didn't need time to think or trying to skirt the issue of paying deposit in case a better prospect comes by in the meantime). I was touched and in that instant loved these to people with all my heart. Okay the snag as she was about to pay, I introduced them to my main renter, things suddenly fell out when it came to the Streamyx issue, seems my housemate declined to allow them use, saying that already 8 people were using it. Okay, so finally even after much convincing and soul searching they left dejected. I only blame my roomies for this since they didn't even compromise on such a small issue to get a housemate. At this point I didn't care anymore if they find a housemate or not and have to share the full burden of paying extra for the monthly rent, it's not like I didn't find them someone, hey I'd be ad if was told that the other housemates enjoyed Streamyx and just because I'm the new tenant I'm excluded. Sad sad.

6) Person A smsed asking if there was a house for rent in Kingfisher Phase 2 (which is where my place is. Replied yes it was at Lorong 2B. Next message came with the said unknown person asking whether I have room for rent at lorong 5a, incidentatly is not in Kingfisher Phase 2 nor do I find have any sort of relevance in my case since I am not a housing agent with multiple houses to showcase nor even makes sense to his first question. Sayonara dud, either brush up on your English grammer or ask more intelligent and sensible questions.

7) Girl B asks for room, said she was desperate and wanted to rent. Okay I told her it was conditional to only hold the room exclusively for her once I receive the deposit. She balks and asks if she can reserve the room and only pay at the end of the month. Miss first of all trust is always an issue ever since my stupid junior skipped out on me at the last moment after I agreed four months prior to book the room for him without charging for deposit, so no dice. Secondly, yoir attempts are so blatantly transparent that you want to book the room only in case you can't find anything better but do not want to risk forfeiting your deposit in that event. Girl B you are selfish and not entirely shrewd.

8) Girl C came over and scrutinized every nook and carnny of the room as if it was a life and death matter. Come on even people at a slave auction does not scrutinize their merchandize this well. Would you like me to knock down my partition for you to check the integrity of the structure as well? Off with your head!

9) Person B sent a incomprehensible message in Mandarin. Sorry me no speaky no Gou Yi so don't expect my reply.

10) Girl C stopped me as I was walking out. Instead of asking for room for rent she was wondering if her friend from Labuan who was making an extended trip here could rent the room for a few weeks. Dear, what does this look like, a motel for rent? If you're desperate I have several telephone number and addresses for motel and travel budget room in the city that your pal can take a look and they're only RM20 per night, WOW.

11) GuyB comes over to look at the room. Wanted to negotiate the room price and asking if I can lower the price for him. My son, I am not a pasar malam seller that you can haggle with, this is a fixed property with the rent determined by the house owner, there is no space to haggle so how can you be naive enough to even ask such a proposition. Baka.

12) Girl D called and spoke exclusively in Mandarin. Asked if she can converse in English she said she can't (If there are still such university students here with no inkling at all of English I would like to meet them and ask how you're going to pass your course when most refference books are in that language and lectures as well). So after a much jumbling of incoherent exchanges with language switches from BM, smidgen of English and confusing mix of Mandarin and Cantonse we gave up.

13) Malay dude A called and spoke in BM asking if room for rent. First question is your house all Chinese? Yes to that. Second question, is the kitchen halal? No brainer question and was wondering if I should answer that. One perk of escaping the college is that we have a place to cook and fridge. It also means we have the freedom of not adhering to your stupid rules that forbid having pork and alcohol and even cohabiting. So to question two, ever wonder why so many advertisers of room have to state 'All Chinese living in house' or 'preferably Chinese renter'. It's no offense or deem to step on any one's sensitivity but the truth is most of those renting outside are non-Muslims and you'd be hard pressed to find a single room without fear of breaking any halal regulations unless you find like minded Muslims and rent an entire house.

14) Person C. Even with my intricatly written advert stating everything from rental price, room size, ammenities and address, I have countless people constantly asking how much is the room, are there other rooms for rent in the house, what is included, where is the place and address and what is included. People learn to read please, I didn't go to all the trouble to make sure my notice is fully legible and as informative as possible unlike other which simply states 'Room for rent call XXXXXX' or 'Please look at me, Room for rent XXXXX) or even 'Looking for roomate, no Gays please'.

More will be added as the candidate process continues.