Sunday, January 28, 2007

Courtship and Weddings


In December I attended a wedding of someone close to me, and close means he was my cousin of which I don't really recall ever meeting till now. Still is was a grand affair and touching to say the least. It seems strange but not many of my close friends are anywhere near to tying the knot yet so I'm still waiting for an invitation so I can make a complete fool of them before their special moment and of course take loads of photos of the occasion but that seems like its never going to happen.

Coming back to the topic it seems marriage seems to be going out of style, most people I know does not really put it as high a priority as in the past. Instead of being a plus side many often seem to think it as redundant or completely not needed to satify their life at all. Some of whom I've talked to told me its hard to find people who they really want to spend their life with till the end, others find that getting married was an artificial bond that is not completely natural (these same people seem to indicate that co habition is a better model though) while others have sweared off it in total (these people are not those 40 somethings that can't find mister right but those in their mid 20s).

For myself I still view marriage as a high priority goal in my future. Yes I would love to say 'I do' to the person most important in my life and go through thick and thin with her and later (yes definetly later) think of having a child. At this point even as I turn 25 I still view it as too early, I have just started work and do not have many of the prequites that I deem necessary to start a family (stable income, savings, house and car, etc). I've always thought I'd tie the knot near 30 and recently that age seems so ever close that I can't help wonder, will I be able to take care of a family, am I good enough to take care of a kid or my wife, will things work out, forever is a long time ahead. Not to mention that Laura worries that marrying late and having kids past 30 might result in higher risks to health, which is true.

Anyhow, a recent conversation I had with a group of friends over lunch in Midvalley also brought up something to think about. An acquaintence told me that recently her parents tried to set up an arranged marriage for her, introducing a match they thought suitable (a kid of their friends). The thing is that the guy is past 35 and she is 25, he only possess an education level up to form two and she's a university graduate, they have met before but sporadically and for ver short periods of time and he's working in Singapore and she in KL. Despite the barriers, people would say love does not deem these differences as an obstacle but I feel it is. It's nothing against the man and not to bring him down, but the difference is so vast that communication between the two would be strained as it is. She told me he kept on pursuing her, asking her to throw away her carrier path and come to Singapore, saying he'll take care of everything. When she tried to ask him to tone down, it seems he said some inappropriate things in not such a good fashion to her. And I thought arranged marriages died off with the past few generations.

Well women nowadays seem to be marrying late or not at all, a few colleagues have told me they are not planning to get married at all and others have confided that they'll put their careers first before taking the plunge. Trends sure have changed. But there are still those who believe in marrying early, one of my office mates has already registered and she's my age, another got married before she entered university and had a kid before she graduated. Well it seems that the business of finding a life partner is quite diversified. I still wonder if I would be up to it when the time comes, with no worries or self doubts, instead the walk down the aisle hand in hand with my love would be optimistic and looking ahead to the future.

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