Saturday, August 27, 2005

Choosing between work or loved ones

The past few weeks have been revolving around the same old themes and routines, half the day spent at work and the other with Laura with the rest being filled out by sleep. It’s been hectic to say the least with trips to Banggi again for sample collection to a week of the bosses bad mood which resulted in the entire master student body in his lab being scolded and lectured, and that wasn’t even our fault which all started from a junior breaking a very expensive lab equipment and forgetting to inform sir.

Well the bosses suddenly had schedules after schedules of duties and maybe the extra work was making him edgy on top of everything else. Thus the whole of last week he was like a whirlwind in the lab directing everyone from the final years to the masters to other users of his lab, so no moment of rest for us all. To cut a long story short, I was kept till quite late, several nights to look after the junior’s lab class which stretched till 10 p.m. before they were done to processing my own samples.

To say the least I was stressed, on a mental breakdown and needed someone to talk to bad. It didn’t help then that Laura was also faced with some of the same pressures from her work as well as a bad grade which she thought was unjustified for the effort she put into the paper and lastly from last minute preparations for her convocation. So after sampling which I was gone for 2 days to my absence and missing 3 dinner dates with her, we sort of just blew. I said some things I regretted later and she decided to ignore me for some time after.

Actually Laura never liked the idea of me being away from here for any long period of times, even when I was back to Kl for some much needed break she wasn’t too pleased. Even harder to reconcile is the fact that she openly said she was angry and sometimes mad that I had to work late at times in the lab and when I’m back round 10 p.m. was tired out to spend the measly 2 hours at her place, not to say I have any time for myself. Can I help it if work dictates I have to be in late? Does she want me to make it a choise between work and her? It is after all my thesis, not to mention the impression my supervisor have of me if he thinks I’m reluctant to spend the extra time in the lab like some of his other 'single' students. Maybe it’s a bit much that my boss is a bit compulsive with work where he deems anything else outside the lab is not worth much attention.

Thus friction always revolves around me trying to please both sides, trying not to get on my bosses bad side (he is after all going to determine my masters) and in the same process trying to keep my relationship alive barring all other barriers to it. Sometimes being pulled towards both ends makes me wonder if I even deserve some time of my own for my own purposes. Why can’t they both understand that I have needs too! It’s so hard to find a middle ground for all parties.

Okay anyway things calmed down somewhat today and thus things are a bit resolved, Laura and I talked it out and we both spoke our minds out so we reached a point of reconciliation. Sir too has somewhat mellowed this weeks and surprisingly was smiling throughout, guess his PMS petered out already. I guess all I want is to have my boss understand that besides the lab there is another life waiting for me at home which I am committed, and that I will if required to finish my work willing to stay till late to do so but he should not have reason to detain me there if there is no plausible reason. Laura too I hope understands that though I put her first and foremost, that I have other commitments too such as work and studies to put food on the table and that she cannot make me promise to come back on time everyday and it all depends on situations. Am I sacrificing myself to work and neglecting my loved ones? Am I brushing aside my priorities to fulfill some whimsical need? I guess it depends on who I am asking those questions then.

But there is a resolution, I promised Laura that I’ll make it a case in point to be home everyday when I can and she promised not to make it a huge matter when I am detained by work, for my boss I will always make allowances to finish my work before I head back and will stay if there are outstanding jobs needed seeing to. Happy?


anthony wong said...

what a strange thing to quarrel over what seems to be a trivial thing. UNless of course u are not aware of the real reason why laura wants u home. she is not getting sex with u away so much, and she is too shy to tell u so. though reading what u are going thro, sex is the last thing on ur mind. and maybe that is the trouble. haha.

Kervin said...

anthony wong: Well some things are trivial for some people others its like an erupting volcano. As for sex I wish XD