Saturday, April 19, 2008

A Year Full of Blahs

I've been thinking, actually, NOT!. I've been so busy, receiving so much blah in my face that I don't even have the strength to think anymore. 2008 hasn't really been treating me well, I've so much things happening in my disfavour that it seems pointless to think that the next 3 quarter of the year would get any better. I've been so uninspired that I've not taken a single picture for 2 months and that really makes me feel so useless and down. I've given my all to my work, forsaking weekends, ignoring holidays, forsaking relationships and friends and for what!

It would be good at least to receive some recognition for all the long hours and sacrifice in terms of time and opportunity costs but in there end there is just more work, more yelling in my face telling me that I'm not good enough, scoldings and demotivational whats-not that even for someone with infinite patience, I think is going overboard. I was looking forward to getting a new SLR either a Canon 400D or the latest 450D and thought I'd deserve to treat myself with such a baby after working so long and saving up but with this slump I'm not sure anymore, getting it would be pointless if I don't have the interest or time to experiment and enjoy it. I truly envy that my friend who just got a good deal for a 350D and spending a week in Thailand using it and I wish I could also share the same feeling. I'm glad for her.

Sometimes you try and try and end up never meeting people's expectations. I've neglected this blog to sell my soul to a capitalist rat race culture that does not really rewards you for your efforts and what have I got? I'm still asking myself that same questions, more so recently. I really wish to reclaim my life back and start climbing out of this hole of despair but nothings helping. I'm really happy even for a moment that there are great friends out there and last night was no exception. I'm not really the social guy but being there with the mishmash group of Flickrs let me be lost in a moment of thankfulness even for a moment. Singing karaoke (which I never do) out of sync and with my horrible voices and laughing at our mistakes and trying to beat the 94 score (thank Viz for her rendition of Lambada), indulging in Big Apple chocs and Domino's pizza with an endless stream of orange cordial and root beer courtesy of Johan and Adi, laughing till our sides hurt doing stupid poses and taking shots via Casey, Erna and Prakash and generally being among the whole crazy bunch really helped me a lot. So thanks for being there guys and gals.

As for the future of my blogging and even more so for my photography activities, I really have to pull myself together and regain the two activities that I enjoy. I want to be holding on to a SLR camera and give my all out to capture pictures again and not lose out to my competitor and friend hehe. Only time will tell if I am able to do so. For now bear with the silence and down tone from mua. It really feels empty and alone at this very moment and i hate this feeling.

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